Our Journey Through Fetal Medicine: The Quiet Hours

I'm updating from my phone tonight because I want to spend time with my husband who is simultaneously Christmas shopping on his phone and watching Game 1 of the World Series. I'm not a huge baseball kind of girl (in March it sounds fun to me but by June I'm uhhh...over it), but I married into a baseball family that may excommunicate me if I say that outloud. Seeing how I love my husband more than anything in this world, I'll gladly sit and watch the game with him just so I can see him enjoy it. What you do for love! Anyway, hopefully this post looks normal coming from my phone.

We have had no updates, test results, or appointments in 2 weeks. Sometimes I forget we are even still in the thick of things since I don't have a constant reminder. It has been a nice rest for the soul. Soon enough we will be getting more information in, so we are enjoying a pretty normal day-to-day for now.

On Saturday we put up new shutters Cash made for the house and watched the Razorbacks forget they were playing a football game. It was the day Ann Louise's funeral was supposed to be. Instead it was just kind of a normal day. I sat down that night and felt her kicking and playing. Oh, the mighty works of God!

The other day I wrote about the friends, family, and strangers who have reached out to us. I can't get over it. While I hate going through this, the people who have loved us so deeply during this time have flat out blown me away. I can't even say Thank You to everyone. You all have inspired me to do more in everyday little things.

What seems like it may not be a big deal, trust me--to someone whose heart is hurting, it is HUGE! Many moments when I felt I couldn't go on, a friend would offer just the right thing at the right time. It is amazing to see how people use their talents. You don't have to be a doctor and go to Africa to touch a soul. Sometimes you just need to knock on your neighbor's door with a bag of cookies.

I mentioned the bear being made for us. I picked it up today. No words.

So many emotions filled me when I got in the car. It is beautiful with Ann Louise's heartbeat inside that plays when you squeeze it. A poem was also written to pay tribute to what the bear means. It is one of the most special gifts I've ever been given. As I sat in my car and listened to her little heartbeat while reading the poem, I lost it. The flood of emotions of what it would've been like to hear that had we not been given a miracle rushed to me. And yet I could feel her kick and remind me we are not done here--she still has so much to do. That bear, it will always hold a special place in my heart.

The poem reads:

To my precious parents...

Although we are not together,

We will never be really apart-

'Cause before I went to Heaven

I left you my beating heart.

I'm here inside this teddy bear,

Which bears my precious name.

His job is to always remind you

That my heart is a "living" flame.

So when you feel the need to know

That I am not really gone-

Just hug my bear, and I'll be there...

My heart forever lives on!

Someone I don't even know did that for us. My heart is touched in the deepest of ways. Thank you to that person I may not ever meet. And thank you to all of our friends who have stood by us and held us up during the dark days, the miracle moments, and these quiet hours that tick so slowly. I thank God for each of you.

Xoxo-

Avery