Playing Cinderella

Can we just start with a shout out to our Lord? I want to go back to 1997 right now and raise the roof. For real. Because God's "got it going on." I truly believe that if King David was alive today, the Psalms would read more like that.

You would think as many times as I have taken the reigns in my life that I would have learned my lesson by now. But no. I apprently didn't. However, when a Monday back to work sounds like relief from the weekend, then you know it's been a bbaaaadddd weekend.

When I decided to pursue Christ, it was easy at first. Like..I just loved loving Him. And we had this pure relationship that manifested in my daily life. Oh, I could just praise and worship all day long. But then came reality. And reality was that Satan was going to attack me at every possible curve. The really scary thing about Satan is that a lot of time he does his little sneak attack..where he just weasles into your life and the BAM hits you in the face. It's almost like he laughs when he does it, because he knows how he just disrupted not just your life but also your relationship with God.

The really neat thing about our relationships with Christ, however, is that His grace is unending. Several days ago my dad and I were talking on the way home from the hospital just about life. Tears began rolling down my face as he talked, and for the first time in my life he just reached over and grabbed my hand. He told me it was all going to be okay. (Okay..he didn't just say that..because he has infinite amounts of wisdom.) I just listened to my father talk and heard his heart for me unfold. I've always known my dad loves me...but never to this extent. He just poured into me like I was a bottomless vase..and I was grappling for every word he said.

I couldn't wrap my mind around it though. I said to him, "But what if God is telling me something different? I don't even know what He wants from me anymore!!" My dad looked at me and said, "God doesn't always talk through a burning bush..sometimes God talks through your dad." I sat in silence for quite some time.

What you're thinking is that I probably soaked in my dad's advice and went on. But I have to admit that I didn't. I ignored it, because that was easier. And a couple days later I was wishing I had listened to my dad a lot sooner! He truly did know.

Having to wait on God seems bad...until you wish you would have waited on God. I try to take matters into my own hands at times. I don't know why either.

When I was little (and still today), I loved my dad telling me how I pretty I was or that I did a good job on a paper or that I was the best in my game. I distinctly remember every Monday night during football season standing between him and the TV during commercials as he threw a ball into the air to get it over my head. I would jump as high as I could to swat it down. As I got older, my vertical got higher, and I beat him a lot more. But even when I got to where I could touch the ceiling, my dad and I would play that game when my mom wasn't looking.

Then there were the Sunday mornings before church that we would get up and watch "Meet the Press." We would argue as he is Democrat and I Republican. We would have it out all the way to church and try to make the preacher's sermon fit our side of the controversy. I remember when Tim Russert died. My dad and I just sat there that first Sunday morning not knowing what to do without our Meet the Press ritual.

I could go on and on with stories about my dad. But I'll sum it up in this: I can't fathom his love for me. When I play Cinderella, he wants to keep me from every frog, prince, and white horse. Even today. That's the same way with my Heavenly Father. Sometimes I play Cinderella, and I try to find my own Prince Charming. But God just wraps His giant love around me, and He escorts me back with His grace. I got a good dose of that escorting this weekend. I've never heard my Father audibly speak, but I think I almost heard Him yell at me a little bit.

But I praise Him for it. I made a hard decision today I didn't want to make. But I made the decision following God, knowing He was there to comfort me and to love me. Once I followed Him with both words and action, He restored my peace. He gave me light when a moment earlier I felt surrounded by darkness. I guess I conclude with one thing...we might play Cinderella, but God needs to be the writer of the script.

The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes

I asked my mom the other day if I am 23 or 24, because I honestly couldn't remember. I think I've been telling everyone 23. However, my mom informed me that in fact I am 24. Geez. 24 years old. Seems so young right now, but I remember when it seemed so old. And not old as in it was time to head to the nursing home and play with oxygen tanks..but old as in mature and settled with life figured out. If you would've asked me at 14 where I saw myself in 10 years, I would have given you this list:

-married

-kids

-high paying job

-living in my hometown

That's honestly probably all I would have known to say. I didn't know there was more to life than raising a family. Although I may not be living out the American Dream I set for myself in 9th grade, I am living out a dream I never even imagined. I have been so blessed to meet new people, travel to new destinations, and embark on new journeys all because I didn't get married and start having kids. Now, one day marriage and kids will be great. Perhaps for some people that is great at 24..or even younger. But for me, it'll be great much later in life.

What got me to really thinking about how old I am was that I was thumbing through old pictures earlier. I saw pictures of my friends from high school and that just seems like eons ago. I was really just a kid then, although you wouldn't have convinced me of that then. But the pictures that really got to me were from college. I thought about the hundreds, literally, of friends I made. Yet at the time I didn't think I had any. And how many places I got to go. Yet at the time all I wanted to do was go home. College was just 2 years ago, but it gets farther away everyday. I started thinking about what life would be like if I went back to UCA now...2 years later. All my friends have graduated. Most are married, many with kids. They have houses and careers. What if we were all taken for a day and put back into college? Would we change the person we hung out with that day? I mean..knowing what we know now..about how each of us have molded ourselves...what would we change?

I love going back to Conway. It's neat to see everyone, sure, but it makes me feel accomplished. I didn't spend many evenings out in Faulkner County. I rushed through homework in order to go home every weekend. I probably didn't enjoy college as much as I could have...but I am sure enjoying where it got me. But if I could go back...for one day...what exactly would I do differently?

I wouldn't take for granted my summer job at Camp War Eagle, working with hundreds of people my age for an entire summer. I would get extra marinara in the Student Center, because I never spent all of my DCB anyway. I'd shoot another music video with my roommates, despite it being our biggest nightmare today. I'd wear just as many t-shirts...cook a little more...stay off of Facebook (ok..maybe not)...laugh with my best friend in the entire world...and have 2 catch phrase nights per week instead of just 1. And I definitely wouldn't love as fast, but I'd love a lot deeper.

Ironically, I got to go to my alma mater this past weekend. And I did spend time with Katie...just laughing and playing. To top that off, we spent time with some other old friends. I got to have my one day back.

Five years ago I was a sophomore in college. I met this young man who just really caught my eye. He was so stinkin' cute...and I couldn't believe he wanted to hang out with me. That lasted for a week or 2, really, that's all. I remember it like it was yesterday, and I'm not so sure why. I was sitting at the new fountain, and I got a text message from him. He said he was going to go back to his ex-girlfriend. I saw him a few days later...and for some reason it just tore my heart out. I suppose because I was young and naive and thought everyone should love me like my momma does. Or maybe I did like him a lot. I couldn't tell you. But it broke my heart.

He hung out with Katie and me last week. Five years makes a world of difference. We're both grown now...with steady jobs, houses, and bright futures. When I was driving home, I started thinking about the irony of that situation...and how 5 years changed both of us dramatically. How it's changed all of us...every single friend I made. Sometimes it is fun to go back...to reminisce...to be carefree again. But at the end of the day I yearn the most to come home to my house so that I can prepare to be a better teacher than I was the day before. Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same...how true those lyrics are! We have to keep thrusting forward in life...turning the page to see the next chapter unveiled. I'm not too sure what God will write in the next few days, weeks, or years. I suppose that's the exciting part! I never thought in a million years God would put me face to face with someone who hurt me so long ago. And never in a billion years would I have expected to meet that person with such different eyes. But the most overwhelming thing to take in is that never in a trillion years would I have guessed that as much as I've changed, he's been molded even more. And while all of our circumstances and feelings have changed in 5 years, I believe some things never change...

Life is a Highway

I helped Zach and Leslie pack up their last tidbit of stuff tonight.

I teared up when I got in my 4Runner. I thought about the fun times we had over there...the catch phrase games and dinners cooked. I wish more nights could've been had..just so much going on that it was hard to do so.

Zach and Les are pretty much a power couple. Law school. Med school. Les and I were talking about it tonight. How crazy is it that they met in high school and are now moving to Little Rock to receive extraordinary educations? I'm pumped for them. I can't wait to go see them...which will be next week! And of course, we're hitting up some Hog football when the Pigs play in LR.

Looks my life will now be on a highway. I hate that drive...